Italian Roots and Genealogy
This podcast is dedicated to Italian Genealogy, finding your Italian Roots and how to navigate through Italian records. Your host has over 12 years of experience and we will have excellent guests that will discuss a variety of genealogy topics. Please subscribe!
Italian Roots and Genealogy
Unlocking the Secrets of Your Emotional DNA with Judy Wilkins-Smith
Unlock the secrets within your emotional DNA and transform your life with Judy Wilkins-Smith, our esteemed guest, as she guides us through the intricate layers of inherited emotional patterns. You'll discover how thoughts, feelings, and actions passed down through generations shape your decisions and behaviors today. By understanding and tracing your family tree, significant family events, and their influence on your current life, you gain the power to reshape your destiny and alter your emotional DNA.
Ever wondered why you might feel compelled to trace your ancestry or why certain emotional states like depression persist through generations? Judy explains how these inherited patterns can hold you captive to unresolved issues from your ancestors. Learn practical techniques to recognize and break free from these patterns, fostering healthier emotional responses. Explore the unconscious drive behind tracing one’s lineage and how it serves to honor and understand family history, shedding light on inherited traits and offering paths to overcome challenges rooted in your emotional DNA.
As we move through our conversation, Judy shares how systemic work in constellations can address deep generational issues, facilitating rapid breakthroughs. Using 3D spatial representations of family dynamics, you can interact with and resolve your issues, leading to profound realizations. Judy also discusses how your genealogy and DNA shape your potential, with both positive and negative family traits providing valuable insights for personal growth. Don’t miss out on her books, "Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint" and "The Hidden Power in Your DNA," for a comprehensive look into your genetic inheritance. Join us for an enlightening episode that promises to uncover the hidden power in your DNA and guide you toward a transformed life.
Explosive discovery that there is now an effective way to understand emotional problems using DNA
Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint
Everyone knows we inherit physical DNA, but few people realize we also inherit our emotional DNA
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and this is Bob Sorrentino, from Italian Roots and Genealogy. Be sure to check out our blog and our YouTube channel and our great sponsors, your Dolce Vita, italy Rooting and Abiativo Casa. And today, for the second time, I have a great guest, judy Wilkins-Smith, and we're going to talk about her latest book, the Hidden Power in your DNA. So welcome, judy. Thanks for being here.
Speaker 2:Hi Bob, it's great to be with you.
Speaker 1:And, like I said in the pre-interview, I'm very excited about this one because people don't understand. I don't think that there's emotional DNA in our beings also right.
Speaker 2:Exactly. Yeah, everybody understands that we've got the physical DNA, but they don't understand where the sudden rage comes from, the inability with finances, why we struggle to connect in relationships. Where do all of those patterns come from and why are they sitting in me and what do I do with them? And it's your emotional DNA, your patterns of thoughts, feelings and actions that are passed down through the generations, either by word of mouth or epigenetically. But the most incredible part of that is you get to decide what to do with that. So this is where we get into neuroscience. When you start thinking, acting and feeling differently and you look at the pattern and go it's not working for me and switch it around, you're switching up the emotional DNA, which in turn then affects epigenetics and neuroscience in turn then affects epigenetics and neuroscience and that in turn has an effect on the physical DNA.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and in the book. So you kind of break it down into genealogy 1.0, 2.0, and 3.0.
Speaker 2:So what are those factors? Okay, so genealogy 1.0 is what we all know. You go do your family tree you're one of the 100 million family trees out there and you go oh, this is amazing, I belong to William the Conqueror or Louis the 14th, but that's what it tells you. That's genealogy 1.0. That's it. Genealogy 2.0 then begins to look at what are the events in your family system. What are the big events? How would that have affected your family? And then in genealogy 3.0, it's so. How does that affect you?
Speaker 2:Families doing fine income, the invaders they have to leave, they flee, they go to another country, they get kicked out of the country country, or they have to leave that one and eventually they settle in the US or wherever it is. They settle and you come along and all of a sudden you really, really are frightened of traveling. It just scares you and you don't know why. Or you have a family who is very, very wealthy Somebody gambled it all away. Who was very, very wealthy, somebody gambled it all away.
Speaker 2:You sit there and you're completely not even conflict avoidant, risk avoidant. So now you're looking at it, going I can't risk money. Why not? Well, because if we trace it back to our genealogy. We see what happened to great-grandfather. And now everybody has this fear around money and you're the one who goes you know what? I'm going to become the banker, or I'm going to become the one who's really good with money. And then you start to reinstill that flow. So, as it turns out, we have three parts to genealogy and I'm sure I'll find a fourth one. It's probably there, but these are super important and it can take you from where you are all the way to where you want to be. So you're very deeply connected. You need your roots to find your wings.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you know that's that's so interesting, because my wife always tells me that she doesn't say cheap, thrifty maybe. And so it's interesting that you say that, because now I know my father was very conscious about it. But to your point, I learned that my second great grandfather, he, gambled a lot of money away, there you go, there you go. And so he gambled a lot of money. Away, there you go.
Speaker 2:There you go, and so he gambled the family fortune. The next one becomes completely risk averse because they see what my dad did and tells his son don't you ever dare do that, Don't waste money, Be careful, Watch out. This could happen. So your dad then says to you Bob, watch your pennies, be careful, bank your money properly, don't waste. And your wife's going geez, you're so thrifty. But it's all the way back to there. Here comes the challenge Are you going to stay that way, or are you the one who then turns around and says you know what I could invest better this way? And says you know what I could invest better this way? I could do more with my money this way. And so, instead of it all being depleted, you're now the one who begins to grow it again. So, in a sense, the issue or the tragedy that happened then creates your purpose, and that's the growing that happens. So our genealogy is really important.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and another thing that I truly believe. I believe that leaders are born, not made. I've always I mean I always wanted to be a manager of a store because I figured well, rather than work, I'd rather have to tell other people what to do. My wife will say that I tell her what to do all the time. And then again, looking back on my paternal grandmother's side, there were obviously a lot of people who were in leadership, or they were very wealthy and managed. So what would you say about that? People with leadership qualities.
Speaker 2:I'm going to differ a little bit. Some people are born leaders. They have it in their DNA. Some people are born followers. They have it in their DNA, but it doesn't mean they can't change it, and you'll see this. You watch somebody who looks at their mother or their father slaving away at one job, two jobs, three jobs to make ends meet, and they look at that and they go. When I grow up, I am not doing that, and the minute they do that, they're starting to juggle the emotional DNA around because now they're wiring their brains differently. They're going. What do I need to do to do something different? I need an education. I need to go and learn leadership qualities. I need to be the very best leader I can. So you can grow a leader absolutely. And often you'll find that the leader is sparked in response to something they've seen and loved, or seen and gone. Nope, I'm doing it differently.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I always say that I learn more from the bad managers that I had than I did from the good managers.
Speaker 2:You absolutely yes, yes, and that's key in genealogy 3.0 and 2.0. With each event, it's not the event that creates the problem, it's the decisions we make about the event. So it's the emotional DNA that we are creating. So you have an event. It creates decisions. That creates language. The language creates thoughts, feelings, actions. Those create a mindset which becomes a pattern, and then we say that's the truth. But it's not the truth, it's just our truth and we can change that any time we want. And that's the magic of humanity that I think has been asleep for a long time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and I saw that as I was, you know, reading the book. What I found fascinating going through the book was how events you know, 100 years ago, 200 years ago, like you know famines and floods and all of that impact us today and we don't know it.
Speaker 2:We don't understand it Exactly. Yeah, it's the unconscious loyalty. It's like physical DNA in a sense. So with physical DNA, you may not know where it came from, but you're blonde. You may not know where it came from, but you're good with money. The same thing happens with emotional DNA. Emotional DNA is actually more about the money and more about the relationships. You may not know where it came from, but this is how you are. And the big thing is, how do you want to be? Because you're not just passing on physical DNA to your children, you're passing on emotional DNA. And what does that look like? You need to know your physical DNA and you need to know your emotional DNA, and then you need to choose your emotional DNA.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I always tell people. Take my brother, for example. My brother is just a natural born artist. He could, from when he was, you know, 10 years old, 12 years old, I remember he could pick up something and draw it and you know, he could sing really, really well. And then, you know, one day he decided he was going to do stained glass and he was making stained glass and then after that he said, you know, I think I'm going to etch into glass, and he bought this etching thing and started etching. I mean, it's just so natural and I can't draw a straight line.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm the same. My stick figures look like they have a problem. So here's what your brother did. That's important for everybody. He took something that he was good at and he kept adding and adding and adding and adding. So that's almost his first language, not his second language. He understands it, but the more he adds to it, the more the brain grows. It's like its own little AI bot. It's going. What else can we add to that? Now, what can we do? The same holds true with emotional DNA. People think they're small and people think they're inadequate.
Speaker 2:If you look at someone like Bob Iger, bob Iger is right at the top. What got in there? Yes, hard work and, yes, all sorts of good things that happened. But Bob Iger was willing to do two things pitch in and do anything anywhere, which made people say Bob's reliable, we can use him, and he could adapt and grow. But Bob Iger is also known for being incredibly kind mind when he came back after he'd been away and we had the other one.
Speaker 2:When Bob Iger came back, he did a walkthrough at Disneyland and people stopped. The crowd stopped him and every person he spoke to he looked in the eye, he was present with them and they felt like they were important in the moment. That's what took him all the way to the top and we overlook that. And our emotional DNA is crucial to who we are and again, it depends on where did we come from, what happened Like you're saying what was going on at the time but also what is my physical DNA, how does it run through me and how do those two intersect? And when you intersect those two, you have a very powerful situation.
Speaker 1:I worked for a big bank in New York City when I first started and the second CEO was like that he would walk through. Usually a CEO will walk through and he's got an entourage and they'll steer him this way and steer him that way, and Mr Shipley would walk the opposite direction of where they were trying to take him and walk into people's cubicles and ask them questions and it used to freak them all out, but that's the way the man ran and, to your point, he was very successful and the loyalty towards this guy was unmatched. Everybody loved him.
Speaker 2:There you go. That's it, and this is what people don't understand. Leaders, especially A leader like that, unlocks discretionary energy. You'll do your nine to five job, but for a man like that, you'll do a five to five if he asks you because he makes you feel important, he makes you feel wanted. That is a gift and that is something you can grow. You can have the kindness, but we have the ability to keep adding to that language. How else can I be kind? What else could I do to make people feel seen? And now you're growing this whole neural network and you have this vocabulary that people really love because it produces soul magic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and my book about my career. I have what I call the 62nd MBA. I have 10 points and it's just common sense type of things that I believe every manager should have. So let's talk about some of these events. I know you have one interesting story about the gentleman I think it was that he was terrified of losing a leg.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this one, bob, this was fascinating. And this goes back to genealogy. In ways, I mean genealogy is fascinating Once you get beyond just that 1.0, it's super fascinating. So this gentleman came to me and he said to me I'm terrified of I'm going to lose a leg. And I said, okay, I mean I get all sorts of odd things, but I mean somebody walking in and saying I'm scared, I'm going to lose a leg. I said to him do you have a disease? Is there an illness? No, but I'm going to lose a leg. Why are you going to lose a leg?
Speaker 2:And so originally, way back, way back, way back, great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather has an accident, loses a right leg. Generation later, the next one has an accident, loses a right leg. Well, we had a look at that and he looked at me and said I don't want to have to do that. Now, the other piece that came with that was the great, great, great, great great had no support from his father. And often we see that, as the right hand side is the male side, no support, loses a leg and just echoes all the way down. And so we have lose a leg and fathers who don't support sons, and all the way through. So I said to him do you have a son? Yes, he's got a son. He said I'm terrified for him too. So I said okay, I want you to look at your son and tell him I support you. And he was really upset and he said you know, I don't. And I said there's your first step, when you can support your son. A father supports a son and a son doesn't need to lose a leg. What about your father? He said my father was so busy he didn't have time. I said is he alive? Yes, go back and say to your dad can I have your support? And he said these are just words. I said they're not just words. You're working with your emotional DNA. So he said okay, came back to me months later and said to me the fear is gone. I said yeah, because you stopped the pattern that kept echoing through that unconscious loyalty will and can affect health, will and can affect finances, will and can affect leadership. You see it all the time and we all go no, that's not true. Yeah, it's true. It's very well documented and very well researched. So, yes, he wound up recognizing that to stop that, he had to break the pattern and be the father who supported a son, so he could be a son who was supported by a father, and then it could stop.
Speaker 2:And there are many, many of those kinds of things, people who come in with depression. I've been depressed my whole life. Well, whose depression are you holding? Because when we inherit emotions, they're not ours but we hold them as though they are. I'm so depressed. Was your mom depressed, terribly depressed? Was her mom depressed, really depressed? So now we're all holding whose depression? Great-grandma's depression, because after great-grandpa died she was. Was her mom depressed, really depressed? So now we're all holding whose depression? Great grandma's depression? Because after great grandpa died, she was never the same again. Okay, that belongs with her. Can you do it differently? It's understanding the pattern we've got allows us to understand the pattern we can create.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really fascinating. Again, you know some of the stories in the book. So how do you guide people to one? You know, recognize that, and then how do they fix it?
Speaker 2:Okay. So two things. Usually they're sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired and they've run out of places to go and ask. And they come and see me and what we do is this I say to them if you want to know if you've inherited an emotional pattern, emotional DNA pattern, sit down and ask yourself questions about money, families, leadership, career, relationships. Write down everything you think about those, everything you feel about those and everything you do around those. Then ask yourself when did that start happening for me? What was happening in my life at the time? What did I make it mean about me? What did I make it mean about others? And is there a pattern like that in my family?
Speaker 2:And if you get through those, you're going to quite quickly see that it may not be your mom or your dad, it may be an uncle, it may be an aunt, but it's there somewhere. And your job is to complete that pattern and then to turn it in a way that's healthy or, if it's a really strong pattern, to say what can I add? It's already there. What can I add? So those are ways that you look for it and, yeah, the steps to break that are then to say so, what do I really want? And you've got to have a want that is bigger than your current state of being, and you've got to have a passion for it, because otherwise you're just going to sit right where you are.
Speaker 2:But if you have a goal, that's exciting enough and it really wakes you up in the morning, it's going to pull you past all of those excuses. You have all the way to the goal, and suddenly you're the one in the family tree where people look at you and they go look at that. There's Grandpa Bob, or my twice great grandfather Bob. You see what he did? I'm going to be like that too. And so we start the pattern again or we change the pattern um, yeah, so I.
Speaker 1:So I have to ask you this because I don't know. I don't know if you know the answer not. Why are people like me, yeah uh, driven to find our ancestors? Why do we have this passion? Because there's maybe one or two in every family. Everybody I talk to says the same thing. My family thinks I'm nuts, but I can't stop. I have to do this.
Speaker 2:I know why you're doing it. You're doing it for exactly the reasons I wrote the book, or the books. You're doing it because you know that there's something very important about knowing where you came from, what they brought with them, what they went through and how it's affected you. And it's very important to you that everybody in your family system is seen and given their place, because when they are seen and given their place Because when they are seen and given their place you can rest. It doesn't mean you'll stop, but it means the restlessness has a place to go to. It is a compulsion, because you're the one who is seeing what no one else has been either willing to see or driven to see. You're the unlocker of the keys to the doors.
Speaker 1:Yeah but it's totally subconscious, you know, I mean it's it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, these are unconscious loyalties. When somebody comes to me and they say I'm always depressed and I say tell me about your mom and your grandmother. But I do that on purpose, like them, and I say do you remember I said unconscious loyalties, it acts a little bit like your physical DNA. You don't go looking and saying which genome have I got here? This one, this one? It's just there. The difference is with physical DNA you can't do much, but with emotional DNA you can do everything much, but with emotional dna you can do everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's. That's so interesting. It really really is. Um. So let me ask you about um. You know, people have, you know, traits, whether it's like narcissism, or they feel that they they not that they don't want to tell the truth, but they're either afraid to tell the truth or they think there's going to be a repercussion if they tell the truth. How do people, how do you work with people like that and break their habits?
Speaker 2:Oh, I love that. I want to see where is it not safe or where was it not safe for the truth to be told. Because here's the thing about emotional DNA Every pattern that you try and dampen down, every person, every person who's excluded, every pattern that's excluded, creates another pattern that expands and repeats. So if great uncle Bob was terrified if he told the truth to the men walking past his door, there were people upstairs who were going to die. He couldn't tell the truth. Well, we know this. But now it's an incomplete truth. We've got a lie going on and it's very important and it keeps circling down. And now you've got this person down here who just is too scared to tell the truth. They're holding that fear of the truth for this one who wasn't acknowledged. When we see him and say I know you couldn't tell the truth, but look at what you did. It saved lives right then that releases that ancestor and it releases the person down here, because now it's been given a place and now you understand even more why your genealogy is crucial. It's crucial not just to see where you belong, but what happened in my family system. And how is that affecting us now and what do we need to do with it.
Speaker 2:So people who lie where was the original lie? People who don't listen, who couldn't hear what I have? I'll tell you one. I have a daughter, and goodness knows she's on many programs because I use her as an example for all sorts of things. I said to the one day I don't understand you. She's a physician, she's super smart, but she cannot hear two people at once. She can't have this kind of a conversation. She shuts down and you can watch her glaze over. And I said to her this is ridiculous. I want to understand this. What's going on? Now? She's my adoptive daughter. I adopted her when she was four years old actually going on five and I said to her let's go back.
Speaker 2:When did you first realize that you couldn't do that? And we went all the way back to the day after her fourth birthday. And the day after her fourth birthday she was sitting in her room. Her mom and dad had put up bookshelves for her. Her mom had helped her because and she was very sick she had breast cancer and they were in their bedroom. And my daughter says she heard a gasp and she knew it was her mother's last breath. So she runs out of her room and she stands in the doorway looking at her mother on the floor.
Speaker 2:So I asked my now ex-husband but I was married to him. I said to him do you not remember this with Sinead? And he said how is it that she remembers her mother's last breath? But she didn't hear me screaming. So I go back to my daughter and I say to her this is what happened. She says I couldn't listen to that mom. I had to concentrate on my own mom. He was safe. She was not. I couldn't listen to two things at once. There it is all the way back there.
Speaker 2:So when we have very anomalous things or idiosyncratic things, you don't want to shut them down. You want to go and take a look, because something important has happened and it's wiring your brain and it's affecting your body and it's part of your emotional DNA and chances are, if you look, it'll go all the way back a couple of generations. So it's deeply unconscious, all the way back a couple of generations. So it's deeply unconscious. You've got to go looking, which is why systemic work in constellations is super helpful, because then we have live representatives for each part of the family or the issue. So now, instead of thinking about it, you're looking at it and you're seeing all of these and you can see the patterns emerging. And now you're seeing it, hearing it, thinking it, feeling it, interacting with it, and you'll see people shift very, very quickly. They get these aha moments that just click and click and click because they're putting the pieces of the puzzle together um, you know, and that's that's what.
Speaker 1:What, what I find fascinating about it is you hear about these people who go to psychiatrists for years and years and years.
Speaker 2:I have them all the time.
Speaker 1:And nothing happens. No, Because I don't think that. I guess they're not getting to the root of the problem, right?
Speaker 2:It's not. Just they're not getting to the root of the problem. If you think about it, they're sitting thinking about it. They can't see the connections.
Speaker 2:When we set it up in 3D, I'll ask that person to place the people or the representatives the way it is for them here, so they give me a 3D version of it, a spatial representation, and so then I'll ask them that's interesting, you've got your dad turned out. Yeah, well, he never really came back from the war. So I'll put a representative in for the war and you'll see often that the representative will move all the way over to where war is and the child looks at that and goes, oh, you mean, it wasn't my fault. No, that's where your dad was. No, that's where your dad was. So the representation, the 3d, allows it to be touched, tested, heard, seen, and so you're having this embodied experience and it's multi-sensorial and you're cutting through years and years and years of therapy. They're getting to see it. I have people all the time who say to me how could I get to this in two hours? And I've spent 20 years not getting there. Well, you couldn't see it. How could you get there?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. And so how do? Because you go through this in the book too. How do certain events impact people differently? To some, it's a tragedy that they can't overcome, and to others it's an opportunity.
Speaker 2:In the moment when events are happening, you've got to be able to, even when things are going sideways badly, ask yourself right now what do I want to think about this, what do I want to feel about this, what do I want to do about this? Because this is about to become my new reality, or my new truth. So it's about being very conscious of what's happening in the moment. And that sounds easy. It's not. I had a mother who was diagnosed with cancer and the doctor walked in and said happy birthday on her birthday. Happy birthday, you have cancer.
Speaker 2:And I can remember everything starting to spiral around me. It was awful, and I can remember thinking I'm going to die too. I can't do this. This is too much. I'm overwhelmed. And then, in the moment, I remembered what I do and I went stop, stop. You have a daughter, you have family around you. This is not your cancer. You can be there for your mom, you can do everything you need to do, but what and who are you going to be as a result of this experience? You better start choosing now, and it was incredible for me to have that in the moment experience we don't. We don't have somebody who, when the event is happening. We turn to and we say, please talk me through this so I can get to a good place. And that should be common practice for all of us. You need to go find someone who can talk you through it so you can arrive at a place where you're going to grow, not implode, because we are always a choice for that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that kind of segues right into, like the next thing I was going to ask, because I was going to ask you about, about grief. I, people handle that so differently. I mean, in my case, and I think people think I'm cold because you know when, when my, when both my parents died, especially my dad, I was still, you know, I was still working at the time and you know I could have had five days off, but I went to work after four and you know, my wife said, well, you could take another day, and I said, no, I'd rather be out there doing something than being sitting home, you know, and where other people just like it's, you know, it's just like they're all so overcome by it. You know, and you know everybody eventually I think it's over the hurdle, but again, is that something that's just ingrained in people?
Speaker 2:No, it's not, and it really is in the moment. What is the choice that I'm making? I had a client who said to me it was a good example of this. She said to me you know, I've had all of this success and I'm still not okay. And I said to her when did not okay begin for you? And she said that's an odd question. I said no, bear with me. When did you first tell yourself I'm not okay or I will not be okay? And she went oh my goodness. And I said what she said. When my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I remember talking to my boss and saying to her I will not be okay, okay. So I said to him you didn't switch that off, because we switch these feelings on but then we don't complete them and switch them off, which is what keeps us stuck. So I had to go for a long walk and a long talk with her late father and she sat down and she said to him I need you to know I'm really OK. It's what we're telling ourselves, bob.
Speaker 2:I talk about head, heart, gut connection. I always tell people we're magicians and we don't realize it Most of the time. We're demonizing ourselves. We're going I won't be okay. This is terrible. I'm never going to get over it. This is hopeless.
Speaker 2:You've just told yourself a story and if the body believes it, if the heart goes, this is true and the gut goes, absolutely that's it. And if you wire yourself for grief that way, you're going to be in a pickle for a long time. When you look at it and you say I know that this is very overwhelming for me and it hurts and I'm going to be okay. It hurts right now, I will be okay. The heart goes, I hurt right now and I will be okay. And the gut resonates and, bit by bit, you begin to find your way with so what did I gain? How am I okay? I know I'm sad, but how am I okay? And you start to talk yourself through it.
Speaker 2:It's what we tell ourselves or what we swallow from others that becomes who we are. A teacher tells you you know what, bob, you're such an idiot, please don't ever become a fashion designer. And you go okay, I'm stupid, I can't do this stuff. And you never do. In the meantime, you've got all these gorgeous things you do at home, but you don't ever do the fashion design. You have a teacher that says you know what, bob, you're a brilliant writer. You're going to change people's lives. You're going to write and you're going to speak and you go yeah, that's me, you've swallowed it, you've made it your truth. So we've got to be so careful about what we're creating our emotional DNA with, and it's not difficult, but we're deeply unconscious of it.
Speaker 1:I have to laugh at that, because we both were talking before how we were at the Catholic school and the nuns were notorious for telling people how stupid they were.
Speaker 2:I know, actually, I had one. Now here's an interesting one, by the way, and it's one that I tell often. It was Tracy and I. So Tracy and I were in the same class and one of the kids cut their finger and I went running off for the first aid kit and the teacher said to me no, don't do that, tracy will do that. And I said but I'm going to be a doctor. And she said no, no, sweetheart, tracy's going to be a doctor, you're going to work with people's hearts and write books. And I went no, I'm not, tracy is a doctor.
Speaker 2:So bear in mind, watch your lineage and also watch your sphere of influence, because it contributes to that lineage and it contributes to your emotional dna, which, of course, if it's strong enough, if that imprint is strong enough, then has, then has an impact on how your gene expression happens. It impacts your gene expression. So now we're hopping into the physical DNA, but everything begins with what are the events? The events are huge. What are the events? What happened to my ancestors as a result? What are the stories that are told? How did it affect them? And that unconscious echo that's coming all the way through to me? How does it affect me and what is it asking me to become? What is it asking of me?
Speaker 1:that's huge uh, yeah, you know, I'll tell you you, the only time I was really totally overcome by grief was when I was like 20. And my best friend was killed in an automobile accident and I was just, you know, really bad for a couple of weeks. And I woke up one night and he was at the foot of my bed I could see through him and very peaceful, and all he said was you know, it was almost like, you know, esp kind of thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah sure I'm okay. You have to stop. I love it. And you know, to this day I swear that it was him right, I mean, maybe it wasn't, but I you know it's. It's vivid in my memory how I could see him at the edge of my bed, transparent, but nothing was said verbally, it was just in my mind I'm okay. But it wasn't just that, it was the peacefulness of it, and then I was fine after that.
Speaker 2:Yes, because what happened was exactly what I've been describing. You had something that said to you I'm okay. And then you could release because you could say I don't have to worry, they're okay. If they're okay, I'm okay. And the minute you said that, your brain was rewiring in the moment, what you had was what we call the aha moment in the constellation. It flipped you like that. It was I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, Everything aligned and you got into a perfect state of coherence and after that there was no point to holding on. You couldn't, yeah. But after that I'm willing to bet that you've talked about that friend. There's something that's either in his memory, there's something that you carry with that friend.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, oh yeah. No, it's just a forever thing. I mean, it's somebody. Yeah, it's just a forever thing. I mean it's, you know, somebody I'll never forget. And it was a very tragic event because he met another friend who had been drinking and Bobby tried to told him give me your keys, I'll take you home, and he refused. And I said okay, I'll go with you, and he refused.
Speaker 2:And I said okay.
Speaker 1:I'll go, I'll go with you and they did less, less than a mile from home, often a mile from home. And you know, one of the saddest things about the whole thing is is everybody, you know a lot of people blamed the driver and we were all friends and, and this is you know. Years later, somebody said and, and this is you know. Years later, somebody said and I said you know what I said, we were 18, could have been any of us. You know, you can't, you can't. He didn't do it on purpose, it wasn't something that he planned to do or anything like that. Uh, but it could have been anybody. So, just, you know, we can't hold a grudge against this person.
Speaker 2:Well, you can't and you shouldn't, because if you do, it's going to knock on you. You'll find that in your family suddenly people are scared of driving, people are scared of joy, people are scared of being 18. These things all pop up because they haven't been resolved, so they cause echoes until that's seen and allowed to rest. So you've got to complete patterns, otherwise they keep bumping up because they're saying see me and give me my place. Emotional DNA patterns are a little bit like your genealogy. They live in those trees along with the people they belong to and until you complete them, they can wreak havoc right throughout the system.
Speaker 1:And are people really afraid of being joyous?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, think about it, bob. How many times have you heard somebody say well, yeah, I'm happy, now I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop? Serophobia is a huge thing. People go. I'm really grateful, I'm really lucky. I better not be too grateful. We had someone who said in our family happiness, we don't do parties. And I went okay, that's kind of really definite. No, we don't do parties. Those are just dangerous things and all they do is bring unhappiness. Really, let's talk about that. Well, three generations ago, everybody was at a party. Nobody noticed that the youngest one had gotten into the pool and drowned and that was the end of parties in the family. And I said to her so that child's never been given their place and allowed to fully go. Everybody is stuck in the middle of that particular event. They've all got their thoughts and feelings that keep them sad and stuck. Now nobody can be happy. It's not allowed. Do you know what your purpose is? And she went I'm gonna have to host a party, aren't I? I went, that would be a good idea.
Speaker 1:That's amazing.
Speaker 2:Why? Yeah, we tie ourselves in knots, all from our lineage, all from our beautiful DNA which, by the way, if you have a miserable one, everything there is a clue to who you can become. Everything in your genealogy the good, the bad and the ugly. Bad Uncle Sam equals good me, because I really don't want to do what bad Uncle Sam did. Good Uncle Sam means hey, I've got that as well, I want to go do that. It's always giving us the on-off switches or the clues to who we can become. It is a fascinating language.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's for sure. That is definitely for sure. So, before we go, where can people find the book?
Speaker 2:Which one? The new one.
Speaker 1:The new one, but also the old one. Give us the title of the old one.
Speaker 2:Both of them are anywhere you can think of buying a book Amazon, barnes and Nobles they're there. And the title of this book and the other book are so the first book is Decoding your Emotional Blueprint, which goes through all of the stuff we've been talking about, and then the second one. For all the genealogy buffs, it's really geared towards showing you how to navigate your genealogy and apply. It is the Hidden Power in your DNA. You're going to be shocked by how much is in your DNA, the hidden power in your DNA.
Speaker 1:As was I when I read the book. Well, thanks again, Judy. I really appreciate you taking the time.
Speaker 2:Bob, it's always such a pleasure to spend time with you.
